Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Terminal Illness as it relates to The Sum of Us
For this blog entry, I chose to relate it to the film The Sum of Us that we recently viewed in class. Watching Jeff care for Harry reminded me of how my neighbor's mother cares for him. He is fifty years old and she baths him, helps him go to the bathroom, dresses him and even has to feed him each meal. While Harry did not have a terminal illness, he still required as much care as someone that does. The role reversal in The Sum of Us blew my mind. It was like overnight, Jeff became completely responsible for someone that used to be completely responsible for him. I think terminal illness encompasses these same issues, espicially in middle adulthood. I was talking to a hospice worker the other day and she was telling me how one of her clients right now is a 37 year old mother of two. The woman's children are 5 and 11 and the hospice worker was saying how the 11 year old helps her mother bath and gets her younger sister ready for school in the mornings and helps her dad get dinner ready in the evenings. The family just discovered the woman was dying in March and the hospice worker said that she will not live until Christmas this year. So basically this child went from having little to no responsibility 7 months ago to having more responsiblity than most adults. It just blows my mind, but then I wonder, what choice did Jeff have, what choice does this little girl have...it's your family and you conform and do what it takes to care for them.
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I feel the same way...things happen unexpectedly this is why I try and live somewhat right on a daily basis. Harry stroke wasn’t expected and Jeff's role and life changed that very moment. Luckily, Jeff and his father maintained a positive relationship with one another. There are children who would place their parent in a nursing home leaving the nursing homes responsible for their parents care. I feel because my mother took care of me in return I would care for her. It is important to treat people how you want to be treated because you never can tell when you would need the help of that individual.
I think we need to look at the opportunity dying can give people who care for them. I think time spent with and caring for people who are dying can teach us how to live.
Consider what parents deal with in terms of physically caring for children. We realize that dirty diapers, throwing up in public places, and perpetually runny noses,which seem like nuisance, are actually experiences that offer more opportunity to bond with a child than a bedtime story does. The same thing is true of adults. Through physical care we can demonstrate what we feel when we lack words, we can provide touch which tells the other person they are still relevant, and physical care can offer everyone involved a chance to be absolved of past painful issues.
Children obviously require support when going through this situation, but I would take my cues from the little girl in terms of what she understands and wants to contribute to her Mother's care.
I was thinking the same thing. I had commented earlier in the movie that I already thought that Jeff and Harry had switched roles. Jeff seemed to be in the role of Dad and Harry seemed to be the son. When Harry had that stroke, I was reminded of my grandmother who had to take care of her mother when I was a little girl. She really loved her and did not take taking care of her lightly. She never once complained about taking care of her and I think that she actually felt honored to do it. When my great grandmother died,it was like she died along with her. I think that witnessing these types of incidences is really like watching love in its purest form. This was the most emotional part of the movie for me and I hope that my children love me that much. Did you notice that Jeff never complained about having this shift in his life? He just loved him and accepted him for who he was at that exact moment. I only wish that I am so lucky.
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